5 outrageous customer service one-liners that will make you lose your cool

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The level of customer service is often indicative of the quality of the company delivering it. We shouldn’t forget, however, that worst practices are still around, no matter how hard every business tries to weed them out. It is safe to say that customer service still contains many indignant goofs, albeit we admit some of them are downright hilarious. Below are some common one-liners strong enough to derail any customer.

1) “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do for you”

No, no, no! Who can think of a “better” quote to start the list with? It’s called customer service for a reason. The agent is expected to serve the customer, not to tell them there’s nothing that can be done. There is always a beneficial exit of any difficult situation. Even if the agent is unable to offer comprehensive help, they should always turn to a senior colleague who will be able to resolve the issue. Whether it would be a complete refund, a free delivery of a new product or any other compensation you can think of, there is always something that can be done to satisfy a customer.

2) “What do you want me to do about it?”

Erm, fix it. That’s precisely why the customer is calling. They want answers, not questions from you. Usually they are the ones with the questions. Like we suggested above, if you really don’t know what to do, put them through to someone who does, and don’t act too smart. Customers have neither time nor patience for experiments.

3) “That’s not my problem”

Yes, it’s your customer’s problem which, once brought to your attention, automatically becomes your problem, too. First of all, saying that it’s not your problem sounds extremely rude, as if you are voluntarily abdicating from your duty to serve the customer. Second, it practically leaves the customer in no man’s land. It’s like leaving them in a carousel in the middle of a muddy swamp. Who are they to turn to when they are treated so dismissively by their first point of contact?!

4) “You’ll have to go online to fix this”

Remember what we said about the customer not having much time to spare? This is another good example illustrating the point. The customer is making a phone call because it will allegedly allow them to fix their problem much quicker than if they had to go to the company’s website or communicate with it via email. It is no coincidence that the majority of customers treat the phone call as the shortest route to resolving a matter. They don’t have to go online because normally the agent should be able to do this for them by accessing their account.

5) “I’m sorry but this is our policy”

Okay, at times this could be a bit tricky. There are certain boundaries that can’t be crossed even if the agent is genuine in their desire to help. Nevertheless, they should always strive to find a compromise which will neither hurt the company’s image, nor make the customer feel let down. Offer everything that is in your realm of responsibilities to keep them satisfied.

Having read the article, can you remember occasions on which you have lost your nerve due to bad customer service?
Share your experience with us and we may include your comments in a revised version of the blog.


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Vladi Nikolov is our resident copywriter and SEO expert. With a BA in Media, he is a skilled writer with a passion for research. Vladi is also an active member of a supporters’ trust taking part in various community-oriented events.